You Gotta Flap Your Wrists

“Oh, and everytime you roll the dice, you gotta say it and flap your wrists, like this.”

*does it gay-like* (How else would you flap your wrists and not look gay?)

“You’re gonna do it too?”

“Yep. You ready?”

“Alright. Go.”

*Brian rolls dice*

“YAHTZEE~” *Stewie flaps wrists*

“Gay.”

“You suck!”

One of my favourite Family Guy moments. Kinda an in-joke now everytime I see a fag with a dude that watches Family Guy as well and go “Yahtzee~”.

So yeah… regarding the story I promised last post. Not really supposed to go and demean and deface people that actually are related me in some way but I’ll leave the disclaimer at the end.

Wait, I take the top part back. I diss relatives ‘cause they have their flaws as well. The busybody aunty. Funny, most aunties that I know have personality flaws ‘cept maybe my mum’s sister. She’s cool. My uncles are either all way cool or too shy. They cool to me but some other relatives have problems with them. Usually aunties. Geez. Aunts are bitches, ain’t they. I chuckle as I write that line. Aunts are bitches at times. Some aunts can be bitches. Bitches. Gotta love that word. Bitches.

Okay, before it slips my mind. Need to establish an Anti-Aunt movement. Especially those spinsters that play too much mahjong for their own good and are too involved in things that have nothing to do with them. Come, join me, comrades! Bring your own pitchfork and flaming torch! Burn the aunties, we will!

A’ite, that went out of hand quick.

Anyways… last week my mum’s sister came with 2 of her old friends. One was kinda like a family friend, real nice. Appreciate her. The other one, I have no friggin’ idea who she is. Yeah, came to Melbourne to meet their kids. One’s my cousin that came to Melbourne roughly the same time as me. Another dude has been here quite some time now.

So they obviously wanted to meet up with me and I had some junk to pass to them anyways to the Indah lads. So initially we were slotted for lunch on Friday but was moved to dinner on Thursday night. So I took that long train ride to Blackburn and reached an hour before them since they were shopping at Springvale.

So that’s when I met the son. No mention of names to protect him from the overzealous purist Christians. Why? My Fag-O-Meter booted up in the back of my head as soon as he spoke some English in his Aussie-d accent. I’m gonna discount my initial suspicions ‘cause of what he wore because some of you might think it was normal. If it was a flowing skirt or a super pink shirt, sleeveless then yeah, I would’ve mentioned that by now and went on to say that.

The journey to my uncle’s house was uneventful. Fag-O-Meter sleeps in the background of my brain’s desktop screen.

Waltzed in a bit late with his mum ‘cause we took a wrong turn somewhere down the road. Met my Aussie cousin’s mum, exchanged pleasantries and let the aunties talk. One of them suggested that me and the dude talk it up. So I tried going at it. First topic was how us M’sians were dealing with life in Melbourne. I go on with how it seemed unfriendly and funky at first but I got used to it and sadly haven’t properly befriended one guai lo yet. He went on to tell his sob story which is almost similar, except with loads of “um” and “ah”s and “…like,…”. Not that I don’t use the last one, but there’s a way you use it that hints at other things. Fag-O-Meter boots up and rises a small notch.

I ditch the conversation and check if my couz’s in his room. Apparently because of the invasion of the aunties, he took the master room upstairs and ‘cause his dad (a.k.a my uncle) moved into the other house. Personally, his situation now (my uncle) just doesn’t seem that right to me, especially in the Asian mindset. But then again, he’s his own dude.

One way or another, me, my couz and this dude end up in the living room watching TV. Somehow, the dude went nuts on how it was wrong for evviilll corporations to run 3rd world country people into the ground while working for them. Yeah, I can see that’s happening. I knew some arguments that were going to be used right off the bat and saw that the argument’s gonna go round in circles pointlessly so I whipped out my PSP to take Kratos out to whip another Olympian.

As the argument went on for another good 2 hours, I slipped in a word or two every ten minutes when I thought it was getting mundane. For *some* reason my couz keep egging him on towards the evilness of those corporations on those poor li’l 3rd world country saps.

The kicker here is that my Fag-O-Meter was clocking in at 1 notch short of “FAG – do not approach” even when he started flinging his arms all over the place in indignation. Yeah, just imagine.

Stupid meter must’ve broken down. Anyways, dinner got ready and we went on to have it. Somewhere down the line his mum exclaimed that he made scones. I like scones. Then he went on to say, “I can make cupcakes, too!”

My processor must’ve gotten frozen in the cold ‘cause it took me awhile to refresh the Fag-O-Meter. It was processing something when suddenly it came back online and the needle went a full 360 degrees stopping at “Weapons grade fag”.

Fucking shit. What kinda dude makes cupcakes. Don’t answer that. I just found the answer.

El crapulent.

Skipping all after dinner talk and fast forward to the dude leaving the car and walking home, my couz just blurted out, “Gayest dude ever”

I just started laughing my ass off. Turns out my couz was keeping the argument going just to keep the fairy doing his arm flailing thing.

Freakin’ hell. Remind to avoid Lygon Street.

I doubt that this post hardly did the situation justice. Freakin’ hell, gayest motherfucker ever.

Gonna go puke. And wash the hand that shook his.

Peace out y’all.