My Holocaust

Hmph. Just realized that it’s pretty scary opening Microsoft Word to type anything out, even this. I think my assignment phobia decided to kick in at a very good time – when I’m done with them!

Yep… not much to gripe about this sem ‘round. I think 3rd year is the charm. Finally got the grasp of things! Or rather, the lecturers here are so much more helpful with the work given! I guess these white people are the ones that don’t give their lecturers enough credit, no wonder they’re a bit screwed up.

But I don’t intend to make fun of white people in this post today.

Just wanted to get a few things off my chest, that’s all. Well, let’s see…

No names, as usual. But if you know who I’m talking about, just laugh silently.

Had some lousy assignment partner this year. I’m not gonna say why exactly because I’ve made a pledge not to make fun of him behind his back anymore. Why?

Well… I don’t really talk about this much but today I’m gonna touch on this topic. Back in primary school, my dad had cancer. The family pretty much fell apart and I was taken care of by my grandparents and some other relatives.

So… my primary school was pretty fucked up, to be honest. If I knew about such complications in life and such back then, I guess I would’ve been in more pain. I seriously didn’t understand the enormity of the situation at hand. But… the thing was that I didn’t concentrate on my studies any more ‘cause my mum wasn’t there to force me to study. So from top 3 student, I slowly became a bottom feeder in the tank of the best class.

Mind you, the ego shot wasn’t that helpful either. And nor did the fact that most of the people in the class were asshole that didn’t help at all.

I remember… in 5th grade and 6th grade. I didn’t really have the best of times. The smart kids were giving me a hard time just because I was on the bottom. I wasn’t dumb, per say. If I was, I wouldn’t be here typing this. I’d probably be selling handphones and wondering what color to dye my hair next.

But the fact that I was lazy didn’t help my position that much. I remember that I actually had to fight the other bottom feeders that were far worse than me to stay off the dead end bottom. Funny at that time. Scary now.

I’m actually thinking about the implications at that time. Some of the kids’ parents knew what was going on in my family but it’s not really their place to do anything about it, innit? I’m just thinking about it now… what if those kids now, that gave me a hard time, knew that they were teasing a kid that was going to lose one of his parents, I wonder how they would feel. If I were them, it’d be like, “What kind of a human being am I?”

But… then again, they didn’t know any better. We were all just kids.

I can give up grudges pretty easily. Through logic and time.

I don’t know… that part of my life, back in primary school. It’s just one of those black spots that I haven’t… and probably can’t erase out of my life no matter how hard I try.

I hear a load of people ask others who have suffered the loss of a loved one in their life, “Does the pain go away?”

They say, “No… it just gets easier”

Yeah, sounds typical Hollywood. But it’s true. It gets easier.

I remember… Hahaha… There was this particular kid, pale ass fat kid, used to be in the same tuition class as me. He was nice to me. Somewhat. There was this other kid, older and was a badass kid, so I use to stick with him. We were in the same primary school. This fat kid was good friends with one of the kids that gave me a hard time.

Actually, he is the kid that gave me the hardest time. Phew… rough crowd there.

So one day, me and this older kid, went to bully this kid. I kinda kneed him in the ass. Don’t ask me why. So next thing he’s down on the grass, crying. Next minute he’s up, running and sobbing back to class. Me and the older kid have a good laugh. Then it hit me… “Crap… I kneed the fave friend of that asshole, I’m so screwed”

I’m actually dreading to go back to class not because the kid’s gonna tell on me to the teacher, but to his friend. You can imagine how badass this kid was. He was the scorning type. Imagine Draco Malfoy. Now with Hitler’s cruelty. Minus the army. Yeah.

That’s where this story ends.

I wonder… if they knew. If they knew, that they had been giving a kid… whose dad was dying… and died later on and had a fucked up family situation at the time, a hard time, would they be questioning their humanity right now?

Yeah sure, you can say, “They were kids, man! How would they have known??!”

Yeah, I know. But say… you found out. Would you be guilty?

I know for a fact… that if I meet that dude once more, the guy that was giving me such a hard time, I would not hesitate to beat the living shit out of him. Two-faced motherfucker.

After all the shit he said about me, he still dared to smile and congratulate me for getting 5As in UPSR. Courtesy, my ass. He can suck Bigfoot’s dick.

I don’t know… just felt like telling this today. It’s a huge whine but this is one of the stories that define me.

Kinda lost why I told all this in the 1st place. Oh yeah. About the dumb assignment partner. He's at the bottom now, like me, last time. So it doesn't make me any different from those assholes that gave me a hard time if I start giving him a hard time now.

Peace out y’all.