Dubai Afterthoughts

My trip to Dubai has been nothing short of a blessing. Not much people have the chance to go on this once-in-a-lifetime trip and I am extremely grateful for it. I may not show it, but I am. I’ve explained to a lot of people how awesome the place is but they can’t really understand, jump to conclusions that are as wrong as Prince’s wardrobe and just couldn’t fathom it to fully comprehend it.

Today I am here, to rate the country on respective aspects. I can dare rate the country because, as Yusra put it, I had a trip that encompasses the gist of life in Dubai. Not a vacation trip. I was an explorer, not merely a tourist, looking and taking pictures. I didn’t sleep in a spa while beautiful women massaged me (but I wished I did), I slept in a bathtub 2 sizes too small. That was kinda cool, though!

Food was amazing, as in the local delicacies. They have their own plethora of cultures due to the fact that majority of people are expats, and not locals. You mainly have foods from Pakistan, Sri Lanka, India and of course, the local foods, such as Arabic/Lebanese food, whichever way you want to put it. They have many other foreign foods there, like Chinese food as well as there’re buttloads of Filipinos there.

Food gets a 4.5/5 from ‘Ol Spiky!

Why not a perfect score after all that jizzing in my pants talk? Well, chinks can’t handle their food being fucking grilled, fried and flame-broiled all the time!

Next on the hot seat are the drinks, from milk to juices, to just plain soda. No booze. These guys tell me that the milk is freshly um, milked (?) in the wee hours of the day and being transported cross-country style to the UAE, that’s why it tastes amazing. I agree, it does taste amazing, regular milk, chocolate milk, banana milk and strawberry milk. It all tastes like it was Hagen Daz melted ice-cream. Sounds icky but the milk is just the right taste and texture.

Milk gets a 5/5 from ‘Ol Spiky!

Most days’ activities are started off with a healthy dose (or two… or three) of milk of all flavors! Cheers! And just to prove that the milk ain’t full of shit, it actually expires in 5 days! That’s what I call pure!

Juice… choiy. I have no idea how they make it so good without adding the syrup that mamak stores love so much. Pure fruit, pure pulp, pure flava. I wish I could’ve downed all those varieties of juices but I did not. Therefore, I deem myself unfit of judging. But the cafeteria juices that I had so far were top notch and so were all the Berry cocktails I had there.

Weather… oh man… when I first arrived it was tight! But as the days went by, it got colder slowly and eventually on New Year’s Eve fog/mist/whatchamacallit was in the air! It lasted until the morning and well into the afternoon. Still, sunshine and cold air are just what the doc ordered in.

Weather gets a 5/5 from ‘Ol Spiky!

Amazing place to visit at least once in your lifetime! Although I didn’t do the whole tourist package, I’m glad I got this opportunity and I would like to thank everyone that was there to accompany me on this amazing journey – Rushdi, Taqi, Mustapha, Raashid, Shakir, Yasmin and Rikaz and his dad for setting me up with Panorama!

Peace out y’all!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Dayem, it's here already. My capactity for anticipation's been shot after Dubai but heck, this is the one of the most important days on the chinese calendar! So, here's to wishing everyone reading this a great Chinese New Year!

GONG XI FA CAI!

Day 8 – Dusting Off

Phew… well, this is it, my final day in Dubai. Since my plane was going to leave Dubai to Bahrain at 6.40 p.m, I needed to be at the airport by 4.40 p.m, which gave me quite some time.

So, spent half the morning packing my bags… with the additional perfumes and other gifts, it wasn’t an easy task but I still managed without breaking anything. Checked out earlier and took one last final ride from Panorama to Rushdi’s place in Kerama. I arrived, dropped my bags off and we went ahead to look for that Toys R Us in Deira once more. We stopped over for chai again and took the bus again too. Bus was pretty empty at this time and we sat in the seats facing backwards. Damn, hate those seats; the view just gives me a headache.

We got dropped off somewhere that is probably as close as we can get, which was… 15-20 minutes away. Nah, trust me, this time it was just bad luck. The transportation system here is much better than Malaysia… but then again, when our transportation system sucks like Dane Cook, it’s pretty much a moot point. Eventually we got to Toys R Us, partially under renovation but nonetheless everything was intact and still for sale. It’s probably double the Toys R Us in 1 Utama or in KLCC. Still, it was a pretty old place. They have a huge selection of toys, ranging from Iron Man to Transformers to those little kiddie trikes and motorized mini ATVs. Sadly, this country didn’t have a trace of Gundams! Ah well…

Alas, this trip has turned unfruitful as the prices here remain roughly similar to Malaysia’s, if not worse. Curses. So we exit empty-handed but still our wallets bear heavy change. We walked over to the Reef Mall and looked around the place but that place was like a graveyard. However, I did manage to snag a perfume, but here’s the hitch, you don’t spray it, you rub it on and it’s kinda like Vaseline. The stuff’s in huge jars on display and there was one that smelled like bubblegum and looked like bubblegum that was chewed, played around with and mixed together with other pieces of gum that had just been through the similar process as well. Sounds disgusting but smells good.

Oh yeah, found this shop as well. I don’t think we get this in Malaysia…

That's just disgusting! And that's pretty dang serious, coming from me!

Shakir called us up to meet one last time in Dubai and we agreed to meet at Deira City Centre once more. This gave me another chance to snag a few more gifts while waiting for Shakir. We hitched a ride from a bus and got there pretty fast since we were in the area. Got more perfume and checked out a shop selling sheeshas. Damn, I still can’t believe that flavor there’s so FUCKING CHEAP! Damn it!

Checked out the sheeshas at the nearby Carrefour and damn, still so damn cheap… It’s appalling to see these Pakistani/Arab dudes give you that fuck face and say all types of bullshit while selling it 3-4 times the price over here. Ah well… Anyways, Shakir rang us up and we headed up to the food court to have some lunch. They had the usual flavors from all around the world, Western food, Chinese food, pizza, burgers… that stuff.

It's your ordinary whopper after steroids and genetic engineering

I opted for a good Triple Whopper from Burger King. You can’t that shit here in Malaysia! That’s right… three beef patties. Having a Homer moment here… *drool* Shakir even suggested that I try the uh, damn, some ice-cream place that was right behind me. It’s seriously unique because you can ask for any flavor and they will make it for you right there! I suppose they have like, certain base flavors and the other tastes that you choose will be kinda mashed into the ice-cream on a marble slab, I think. Sounds really good but the Triple Whopper that was sitting at the bottom of my stomach was seriously taking up space so alas, I had to pass another unique experience.

After a less than teary goodbye, we left Shakir and went back to Kerama as it was time for me depart. I got my bags and Rushdi lead me out to the street, bid farewell, and before I knew it, I was paying outta my ass to the cabbie. I have to say that KLIA definitely beats Dubai International by a mile in every aspect. Nah, that would be unfair, Dubai’s duty free still has a hell lot more kick ass shit than Malaysia’s one although by looks it can go head to head.

Walked around duty free for awhile and was struggling with my hand luggage since the amount of fragile items added to my person limited my movements. Added a few boxes of amazing chocolate for relatives. Sorry, readers, I was dead broke and was even trying to ask these people to accept my Bahraini dinars and ringgits. Luckily I bought some Jewels that were on promotion and got a few packs of Bounties. Love that shit but it’s so damned expensive here in Malaysia. You’d believe that they put the candy section in supermarkets just for decoration.

After awhile, I went off to my departure gate. Not much people in this flight and not a very odd assortment of people.

The next terminal's ride



The walkway to my ride



My hand luggage. Duty's free bag has the goodies!

As like last time, it was a 50 minute trip to Bahrain and a good 2 hours to wait around in. An hour before boarding time, the PA system started listing off cancelled Gulf Air flights, mainly the ones to Malaysia’s neighbors. I was quite scared that my flight would be cancelled as well but it just got delayed unofficially by half an hour. Can’t complain there!

It was a harrowing plane ride as there was this MOTHERFUCKER on my right that kept yapping for a good 3 hours STRAIGHT to a woman that looked like she didn’t know him. I threw plenty of dirty looks in between small naps and even considered knocking myself out with booze. However, after what happened last time still kinda haunted me. The phobia of the feeling of that alcohol high going down is more than enough to discourage me.

As I felt the plane drop a few feet and the sun and clouds became a lot more visible, I accepted in my heart that my magical journey to Dubai was truly over. Even in the departure lounge I could not help but breathe a sigh of contentment while looking at the setting desert sun. My trip is done and it was time to go back to the real world once more. I will return to Dubai once more but I can’t imagine what else can surprise me there… maybe the next time I can take a real posh trip through Dubai… but then how would that be fun? Hehehehe…

Peace out y’all.

Day 7 – Desert Safari

Sorry for the late late late update, people. I know some people are waiting for this with bated breath and here it is finally! The final fun day I had in Dubai!

After the yesterday’s botched attempt to shop for my bro’s birthday present and other personal junk, I decided today I had to do something quick… and also go for Desert Safari. Everyone else in the country had personal and/or religious matters to attend to so that pretty much left me with Rushdi.

I was pretty skeptical about booking the Desert Safari slots right on the day itself but at this point anything was worth a shot. I called up a number that Rushdi had passed to me the previous night and luckily, I managed to secure 2 slots, 3 p.m. The dude told me it was 180 dhirhams and the thing was gonna end at 9. Fuck, I seriously can’t imagine what we’re going to do that’ll take that damn long. I began listing off the things we could possibly do in that 6 hours there that I’ve heard these dudes talk about. Hmm… dune bashing, riding a dune buggy, camel rides, sheesha and food in the middle of the desert under the stars and of course, belly dancing. Nah, seriously can’t imagine.

Since the driver was going to come pick us up at 3, we had the whole morning so I decided that we make the best of our time and try to find a Toys R Us to get my bro’s stuff. Once more I found myself in Kerama sipping chai with Rushdi in the alleys. Good times, good chai.

We made our way back to his house so I can empty my camera’s memory card. His dad and a friend was there that day, I think. After that we went to get a bus on the opposite of the block that Al Falaq was on to get to a Toys R Us at Deira. Unfortunately we missed a stop or we downright took the wrong bus and we ended up at the Gold Souq bus station. Since I was the tourist there I had seriously no idea where did we miss so Rushdi went around to cab drivers and other bus drivers trying to find an alternate route to the alleged Toys R Us. While he was doing that, I saw this little kiosk where they had drinks. Damn man, Dubai is cold and dry at the same time. By now and for the past few days, my tongue actually got chaffed licking my lips from stopping it from cracking to nerve-wracking pain.

So I skipped over, got myself a Mountain Dew. We don’t get it here much but Kickapoo is probably Malaysia/East Asia’s extremely pitiful counterpart to Mountain Dew. So far I only found (and discovered) Mountain Dew at a little shop near Indahvilla, BC Shop. While lining up for the Dew, something on their counters caught my eye… some currypuff looking object. SHITTT… it was sambosas! I usually pay out of my ass for this shit at Tarbush and that’s just daylight robbery man… and it sure as hell doesn’t taste as good as this!

After a bit more chowing and a bit more information gathering, time became more and more an apparent enemy as the time for the driver to pick us up at Panorama became closer and closer. Eventually after fruitless attempts, we conceded and went back to Panorama. The cab driver started talking to Rushdi regarding the other drivers’ recent behaviors and it seems that it had taken a turn for the worse. I could understand like, 5% of what he was saying as he was talking in Urdu. I understood Rushdi more because as he puts it, he was using seriously crude Urdu, the type you’d use when you wanna gut a dude. Plus, I was pretty shocked as this was the actually the first time I heard him ever had a conversation in Urdu after these 2 years that they have been teaching it to me.

We got off at Panorama and it was already lunch time and we needed to stay close by because we only had an hour before the driver was coming so we went over to Al Khaleej to grab some KFC.

Al Khaleej Centre, pic was taken at a cafeteria across the place



They got a Patan restaurant here too! Vegetarian joint...

As these guys said, KFC at Dubai is definitely much better. Size is roughly the same, taste is better but damn, they’re stingy. You have to pay an extra quarter to get a packet of sauce, be it chili or ketchup… damn!

Had our meal and waltzed upstairs to check the place out and found that they had a Baskin Robbins. I just wanted to see if Baskin Robbins in Dubai had any edge over M’sia’s Baskin Robbins so I grabbed a cone. Just the same, sadly, but I’ve always held M’sia’s Baskin Robbins in high regard.

We went back to Panorama to chill a bit and watch some TV and eventually reception rang and they told us that the driver had arrived. We cleaned up a bit and went to see our ride for the Desert Safari. Pretty nice Land Cruiser and the company that was bringing us for this tour’s called North Tours. Or was it Northern Tours? Geez…

I rode shotgun and Rushdi was behind me. There were another 4 slots left and we went to a nearby hotel apartment to pick up the remaining people for the tour. They made us wait quite a bit as the allotted time for pickup was 30 minutes tops and the driver got to us 1st earlier than told. Eventually 2 Brazilian couples got in. White dudes with white girls, I guess they’re the descendants of the Portuguese or something.

Everyone was quite quiet on the journey through the city and onto the highway and then we eventually stopped at a little area full of souvenir shops and loads and loads of toilets, for some odd reason. There was a little stand that sold coconuts too but I ain’t gonna touch that in Dubai. First stop, the toilet. Later I went to check out the souvenir shop and bought a few sand bottles. Uhh… that wouldn’t be the right name but it’s a bottle filled with sand of different colours and they make an image that is usually camels travelling the desert. I also finally decided on a little boxing camel pen for my brother since we have a little inside joke when we bought similar pens, although there were kangaroos, so I thought that was an appropriate present, albeit a rather cheapskate one. Meh.

Rushdi stepped out of the loo and we had some chai from the cafeteria that we took a leak at and then went into the shop next to it. As soon as I walked in, the owner came up to me and started wrapping that Arabian cloth thing around my head. Just call me Camel Rider X. I decided to pass. It didn’t seem like a very good idea at the time.

I walked into the shop that our Land Cruiser had directly parked in front of with other 4X4s and tried to get some spare batteries for the cameras just in case mine decides to die on me in this crucial part of the trip. Pity they didn’t have any. They only had those new modern one piece batteries for the newer cameras. One thing that these shops had in abundance were clothes, hats, sheeshas, and a plethora of extremely sexy belly dancing costumes. Damn. If I had a chick I’d buy 3 different types for her. Turns out the reason we stopped there wasn’t just so the shops could pull a fast one on us tourists but also to let out the air from the tires. Apparently it’s essential for dune bashing. Oh, and the area we’re in is called Al Ain.

Rushdi and the land cruiser



Me on the land cruiser



Two foos and a land cruiser

After that we set off for the desert and found out that a hell lot more land cruisers contained were on Desert Safari duty today, not just this particular company. Earlier in the cruiser we saw a drastic increase of land cruisers on the road and also discovered that our Brazilian passengers were only on their 2nd leg of their Middle East tour. I just remember that they were to go to Egypt next and perhaps other places too. We eventually reached a U-Turn on the road and went around to the opposite of the desert.

We waited for every land cruiser to assemble and the leader car started off. Oh yeah, throughout the whole journey, and I mean WHOLE, the car was pumped with nothing but Indian songs. It sounded pretty out of place as we went nuts dune bashing. Dune bashing… is pretty much going up and down sand dunes, rough turns, nearly sideways driving and downhill sideways drifting. Pretty hard to describe but I do have a video of it. It’s a 1st person view video, doesn’t seem awfully exhilarating and doesn’t really help explain dune bashing but watch it anyways…

The video was probably taken between the 2nd and 3rd stops. The 1st stop was just after 30 minutes of dune bashing. It was a good start but after experiencing the whole thing, this was not all that intense. We just stopped to take some pictures. Here they are…

The most sand I've seen since arriving in Dubai



"Bleargh~!"



Sand, oh glorious sand!



Seems awfully bright and scorching but it's cold as ice there



The desert keeps on growing...



... and growing...



...and growing. So much sand!!! But then what'd you expect?



Sand's not hot at all! The heat's under there, a feet or two

Before that as soon as I got off the land cruiser, I had to see whether desert sand, was indeed, desert sand…

Yeah, that’s fine desert sand.

We went off once more, deeper into the desert and the dunes got higher and more challenging and the ride definitely got a hell lot better! We stopped again at a little camel enclosure.

Leaving the 1st stop



Arriving at the enclosure



Family of camels in the background



Rim shot by Rushdi



Camels and camels and camels...



Didn't get a chance to see whether there was a herder

There was this family of camels outside the fence that seemed very docile… or freaked right out of their fucking heads to react. Plenty of people went over to pat, take pictures and attempt all sorts of stunts with them. White folks… Hehehhe… Some even took off their sandals/shoes/slippers to enjoy the sand… near a camel enclosure with a zoo-like whiff in the air. Geniuses went over to the camels and stepped in humongous amounts of camel dung. Fucking brilliant. Took a few more pictures…

Desert sunshine



Just chilling

Went for another session of dune bashing, deeper into the desert now and the dunes were getting bigger and steeper and a hell lot more fun! Since we were the cruiser that was somewhere in the middle, we saw all the other cars perform different tricks on the dunes. Probably after another half an hour, we stopped to take sunset pictures in the desert. It’s like these dudes made the sun set for us right on cue… Hehehehe…

Beautiful end to a day



That's me, right there, in the corner. Can't miss me.



Land cruisers all parked and unloaded passengers

There was this chick, magnificent one who had this flowing white dress and beautiful long hair that was just posing like a supermodel in the sand and the desert wind was blowing her dress and her hair to make it perfect for shots. Fack… After ogling at her long enough, we climbed a sand dune.

VICTORY! I made it to the top!

Here’s the view from the top of the sand dune.

At the peak



Yup, that's all North Tours' cruisers right there.

We came down sliding and inviting buttloads of sand into our shoes and pants once more. Some dude decided to roll down the sand dune. Didn’t seem that exhilarating so I decided to pass and took more shots.

Dusting off is the easy part



Our Brazilian friends enjoying the sights



Once more, the sunset

Before we left one of the land cruisers backed up into a bank of sand and got stuck so the other drivers, instead of helping him out, made it worse for him by piling sand on the front wheels and pushing it deeper into the dune. Eventually they let up and helped him slightly out and the poor passengers got out to get their sunset pictures.

As the desert sun set in the distance, we were rumbling away back to the road through the desert serenaded by funky Indian music. We got back onto the road, got back at the stopover point with all the souvenir shops for a shorter time and left for the desert area behind the shops. Interesting.

Not much dune bashing here and everyone’s stomach and equilibrium had adjusted to the journey so it wasn’t that exciting anymore. Passing another land cruiser that somehow got stuck (n00b…) we finally arrived at the North Tour camp!

Pretty much a circular area with tables and shops surrounding it.

Wasting no time, I signed up for a pricey dune buggy ride – 80 dirham’s, and went on with the rest of the tourists into the camp. We were greeted at the gate with island-themed torches and a little table up front that served Arabic tea and dates. This tea is not to be confused with the chai I had over my visit in Dubai. The chai I had every time was fucking amazing. This one tasted like ass. I didn’t touch the dates either.

I wandered around the camp for awhile and went to check out our seats. Every car had a maximum of 6 people and every car had their own table. So we were seated with the 2 Brazilian couples. Eventually Rushdi told me that the dune buggies were ready to go so I went and got the gear on.

"Gentlemen, start your engines!" Boy, that was cliched!

The ride was pretty fun. There were 4 people in every pack, the leader and 3 other people. The people that joined me for this ride were a dad and his daughter. Choiy, the daughter was tight; she was 17-19 tops. Dad was an ass though; he pretty much ruined my whole ride. Reason? Not even 1/4th into the ride, the dude started swerving left and right madly and blowing sand into my face. The leader stopped and warned that if we (probably didn’t wanna point fingers directly) don’t stop fooling around, he would slow down. Aw, geez… but that motherfucker kept going at it and we did slow down to the point that conquering sand dunes were a task. 80 bucks gone and sand in my mouth. Let’s leave that behind. I went inside, looked for Rushdi and eventually found him near the entrance and we found our seats. I went to the sand bottle kiosk to get a personalized sand bottle.

Rushdi then suggested we check out the camel rides and so we did. There were 3 camels and each camel can take 2 guys. The camel ride was right at the entrance, handled by 2 dudes. One is obviously the trainer and the other led the camels around sometimes. When we got there, there was a German family going for a ride and the trainer was taking their pictures and was saying something about taking a picture and calling someone or something a bastard. Interesting. The 2 front camels were taken by the Germans and the last camel had a Russian lady on it who seemed to who have a problem with following instructions.

Rushdi had a short conversation with the trainer as the camels went for a really short round near the camp. It was free, man, what’d you expect? Few kids came over to take the ride as well with us. There was this particular little girl, brave kid, went up on the last camel by herself.



No, I didn't break the camel's back

I had to do it. So, I did, had to sing the Aladdin’s theme song while riding a camel. Yeah, that “Arraabbiiiaaaannn niiiggghhhtttsss~ like Arabian daaaayyysssss~” song. Perfect-o. The ride was really bumpy and the camel’s hump was tough on the ass. Every step it took was pretty uncomfortable. Eventually we got back to camp, dismounted and found a line to the food. Excellent.

Rushdi went up to queue for the chow and hold my place while I went to get some drinks. Soft drinks were on the house and booze, you have to pay. Sheesha’s on the house as well but they definitely overdid the flavor. There was another stall where you can basically dress up like an Arab and take pictures. I did that shit but I forgot to take my jacket off and the shots turn out way funkier than I wanted them to be so let’s leave that shit out.

The food that was being served was typical Arabic food, with your breads, veges, chicken curry, some garden pasta salad, hummus and kebabs. Bada musti. While enjoying the meal, the Brazilians were very curious about Dubai and Malaysia so me and Rushdi gladly told them everything that they wanted to know. I, of course, being extremely critical of our country because I have it’s best interests in heart, spared no detail about our oh-so-glorious country. Spooked them nicely but what Rushdi dispensed onto the Brazilians regarding Dubai wasn’t pretty either but they seem pretty intrigued by everything nonetheless.

Soon after we were treated to THE event of the night, the belly dancing!!! Yeah~

Here she comes...




Strike a pose!



She can give Shakira a run for her money



She got moves, dude!



Didn't I see that costume on sale at the stopover?!

I was sitting just a tad too far to take a decent video but then again, whoever who’s reading this that hasn’t went for Desert Safari before should experience it 1st hand. I won’t ruin the dance routine for you by telling you what she does. It’s belly dancing. Use your imagination. Eventually everyone got down to the dance uh, floor and it was cue for me to go take a chill pill with the sheesha.

Not even 30 minutes past and the announcers said their goodbyes and everyone headed off into their cars back home. I managed to snap one of the stores in the camp before we left.

Pottery shop. Hardly saw anyone walking away with one in hand

Ah, good times. We stopped at the souvenir stopover once more to fill the tires back up and started the journey back. The driver dropped the Brazilians off first and then us at Panorama. Shit, my memory’s getting a tad vague. I can’t remember what happened in the night… Did Ashar come again? Well, at this point it’s a blank and let’s leave it that way. I was set to depart the following day at around 6.40 p.m.

Too tired and too lazy to pack, I dusted my shoes off and emptied all excess sand out of my shoes and crashed.

Peace out y’all!

P.S: I watched the inauguration and I gotta say it’s one hell of a shindig. Obama jumped the gun but what the heck, it’s not that much a big deal. That’s it boys and girls, the White House’s going to have a huge renovation ahead of it. It’s gonna be diamond studded, lined with leather and felt, all presidential cars are gonna be Escalades with 22” rims and spinners and pimped outta this world. Bitches gonna be sunbathing and partying on the lawn that’s going to be redesigned to look like Hefner’s own grotto pool! Not to mention the N-word’ll probably be outlawed. It’s a new era, y’all. Holla.

Day 6 – Ditching the Walimah

Well, this day in Dubai was an extremely slow one, and a Saturday, nonetheless. I pretty much spent the whole morning watching TV in my hotel room. Blasted StarWorld was doing an American Idol marathon and this was the best programme on. Imagine. American Idol… being the best program on. The horror… Eventually I couldn’t stand it and went to grab a ride to Rushdi’s place in Kerama to chill.

The driver dropped me off once again at Kerama Hotel and I went into Al Falaq to have a bite to eat. Ordered a Zinker Special, yeah, it’s a rip off. Picture even tries to look the same. For drinks, gotta have that awesome avocado juice, son. Zinker was tight, way better than KFC’s nasty excuse for a burger. It tasted like it was made from the fresh ingredients and succulent chicken patty that appears in the commercial. Amazing burger. Rushdi came over as I was lapping up the dregs of my juice and we went over for some chai again. Snooped off into the alley behind for a slow drink once more.

I was planning to get some gifts today since my trip was about to come to an end. Unfortunately, my special wallet with the majority of my dough and my emergency plastic had gone missing. Not going to go into details… no one was hurt and that’s all that matters.

However I managed to get the cash back somehow but the search went on for quite awhile so we had run short of time and Rushdi needed a kurta for tonight’s shindig. Raashid came over with Bashir and we set off to Raashid’s place to grab the garment. Eventually choosing a kurta, Raashid sent me and Rushdi back to Panorama to chill, wait for the walimah and get there on our own. Sweet.

We watched TV, got ready and got a cab from the street to get there. Soon we found out that the kurta was made of material that pretty much protects you from the cold as much as I have a chance of nailing Megan Fox. Wait, those are pretty good odds…

Anyways, we got a cab, had really no clear idea where the hotel really was until Azhan informed us that it was near Al Rigga road. Luckily the roads in Dubai are well named and have signs pointing up to them unlike Malaysia going for insanely fantastic creative names like PJS 11/7 and Jalan Panglima 3 and amazing road signs that have trees brilliantly planted in front of them while the light’s out at night.

Funny thing happened when we were on our way to Flora Grand. We were on the way to Maktoum Bridge in the cab when the dude started signaling left. The car that was on that lane but behind the cab sped up and cut him before he could switch and we had to stick on the 2nd from the left lane. No biggie, both lanes were turning lanes, no love lost. The cab driver had different ideas though, he went ahead, stopped slightly in front of the black car that cut him and clicked his window down and started a conversation with the Filipino couple that was in that black car.

Now, in a funny Bengali accent…


Driver: You don’t see, I go to Maktoum Bridge?
Filipino #1: See what see what? (Not exact words)
Driver: *more heated argument*
Filipino #1: See what see what?!
Driver: You don’t see I go to Maktoum Bridge?
Filipino #1: You have passengers?

*Driver winds window up as traffic light goes green and speeds off*

Probably not much humor there but his accent made it really really funny. His other words while travelling were “Shit-te… too maach traafik”. Hehehehe…

Eventually we reached Flora Grand and the dude dropped us off at the main road and we had to skedaddle into the backstreets to get there. Eventually we got there, met up with Suheil while he was in the middle of a photoshoot with Shazia. Snapped a few myself but again, I’m not allowed to post it. But I did get this…

Suheil was baap with that Prince of Persia kurta!

Seeing that Shakir bailed out… It was a tad uncomfortable to be in the midst of strangers that we’ve seen trying to shred our friend into little pieces the previous night but at least Azhan, his loyal soon-to-be brother-in-law is coming! Wait, what… no, he’s not coming?! Like, what the fuck man. Anyways… we weren’t about to stick around so we congratulated him once more and bailed into the streets as Ashar was about to pick us up.

We waited awhile on the street for Ashar and he finally came. Dinner was a hard pick but we decided on the infamous Patan restaurant.

Damn it! There used to be a smiling goat there!

We reached there soon enough and Ashar ordered for us. Naans were of course there and dhal as well. See here, dhal that we get here in Malaysia is faux dhal. Dhal here in Malaysia is mixed with sewage water, rat piss and the secret ingredient is mamak fart. Dhal that was served that night was made by God for mankind to feast on. There was this mutton dish as well. Whole piece of mutton stewed in its own juices and the meat was soft and fucking amazing. The kebab was dry but not bad in its own accord, though. To top off that meal, a cup of Pakistani chai. Just thinking about it makes me want to spend another 8000 ringgits all over again. Amazing.

Ashar then suggested that we got time to go to the Mall of the Emirates and Madinat Jumeira to do my souvenir shopping so off we went. We stopped by Madinat first and went in to have a look see. Some shops were closed and others were closing. I managed to snag a stuffed camel for Piumi and then walked around some more.

Dim sexy lighting



Great ambience, bad for shots, sonnuvabeech

Impressive place to take your loved one too and burn your wallet into itty bitty pieces. On our way out I spotted this…

Aw damn the pic's sideways!

Yeah, that’s how I want my Dubai chai! In a pot that big and in a mug from Oktoberfest! Tea addicts forever dude! Later these dudes said that we were going to JBR. Upon enquiry of the full name, they just gave answers like “Jiant Boy Rods” or “Jiant Black Rods”. Didn’t sound really appealing. We went over to the famed Mall of the Emirates first but unfortunately it was closed. I wasn’t all that disappointed anyways. I’m not a chick on a shopping trip halfway around the globe.

I snoozed in the car and woke up periodically to see where we were and I remember seeing glimpses of the alleged JBR, which I had partially deduced a few hours back as Jumeira Beach Resort.

Eventually we reached Panorama and dropped me off. I stumbled once more past the hotel bar which was surprisingly full every night and not a hint of hookers in there. Didn’t even bother showering and crashed after changing.

Pretty boring day in Dubai, I know, but on a tight budget, you don’t go to swank hotels and sample the foreign chef’s latest creations. You know, I have to say that this trip is genuine as it can be. I got a chance to experience the tourist side and a shade of the resident part. I didn’t go to swank hotels and get pampered like a little diva. I got a chance to experience the true little beautiful things that Dubai can offer – the food, the weather, the view. All you need on a vacation is the ability to appreciate this and take in things at your pace and take the beauty of it in your mind forever. You don’t need a stack of green, you don’t need a yacht, you don’t need a personal masseuse, you don’t need a personal driver and you as hell don't need a chef to cook you salmon flown from Netherlands, caviar from the Marina Trench and ostrich groin from New Guinea. Money can buy that anyway in the world. But where can you get the local shit? Well, I just said it's local, ain't it?

All you need is good company, good food and drink and good sheesha! A moderate and extremely enjoyable holiday, for real. Peace out y’all!

Day 5 – In Holy Matrimony

Here it is, the day that I used as an excuse to go to Dubai. The date is the 2nd of January, 2009, a Friday, which meant these dudes needed to go for prayers and I need to find something to do by myself in the morning. For the past previous days these guys have been saying that they’d hook me up with some awesome tour of Dubai. They sent me the number, I rang the tour company up and they gave me their details. Tour was starting at 10.30 a.m. and I made a booking and the meeting place was at a mall that was close to Panorama, which was Burjaman. Took me about 20 minutes to get there ‘cause I stopped once in a while to ask for directions from restaurants and hotels along the way.

Finally reached my destination. Took me another ten minutes to find their office ‘cause different areas are linked from the basement. Ingenious. I eventually reached the office based on the instructions that the nice lady had passed earlier through the phone. I stepped out of the basement and into the Dubai sunlight and was greeted by this…

Weird shape for a bus ain't it?



Yeah, it is shaped like the front of a boat

Now when I think about it, it does kinda remind me of the Magic School Bus. After all, this bus allegedly goes into the water and then does a round around the Dubai Creek. We’ll see…

I went inside the office and saw a family, two black women seated in a small room already and the receptionist called out my name (I had made a reservation earlier and they just took my surname and half my first name) and told me what’s going to go down. I then paid them about… 125 dhirhams for the tour, which was the most expensive single thing that I’ve paid for so far. Hung around the area for awhile and then people started boarding and I followed suit. I got the 3rd window seat on the left and the 2 black women were in front of me. The guide was some young dude that probably got the job last week and rehearsed the tour speech the night before. At least he seems to have a solid memory. Right on cue we started moving out of Burjaman and were heading towards the creek’s bank. After much horning we cleared the road into a ramp leading into the creek.

By the ramp, ready to dive

Water was blue and looked nice. Damn I was so ready to jump in. The guide then told the front 3 windows must be zipped up so I had to help the people in front of me and behind me zip it up. I’m not being racist but those 2 black women obviously have no idea what the dude was saying ‘cause I had to reach over their heads to zip their windows up and they were just watching me like I worked there. Freakin’ @#$%^&… and then we dove into the water. I swear. We dove.



*splash*



Would've been soaked if I didn't zip that motherfucker up

Even though I knew what was going to happen it was pretty shocking, to say the least. Water splashed all around us and true enough, most of the water splashed the first 3 windows. The hum of the bus engine shifted to the sound of a motorboat in an instant and we started our journey down the creek… in nothing short of quirky style and flair. Oh right~!

"This is your captain speaking..."



Deira side



Police cruiser on the right



Dubai Creek, man



Creek transport, economy class

The guide then started playing these old pop hits from yesteryear and started pointing out various landmarks on the Deira side. Alright, here’s how it goes down. My side at Panorama, is Bur Dubai and across the creek is Deira. You can cross the creek in 4 ways, via Maktoum Bridge, which is opened until 10 p.m., Shindaga Tunnel, the Floating Bridge and the ferry. Yeah, that 1, that last picture. That’s the ferry. They’ve got swankier waterbuses but the usual ones are those. All the same design and same safety levels. Just put a sampan, steal a bus stop roof and a couple of plastic chairs or a park bench and you’re in business. Just 1 dhirham to cross. Price was half before. Here’s a video of part of the journey through the creek.

Eventually we started getting to the far side of the creek where the guide started pointing out more landmarks and then one of the Sheik’s house. Or was it just someone important? Either way, there was a sign hanging facing the creek side saying “No photography”. Hahahaha… What’s he gonna do? Throw us a line and hope to hook our bus over? As soon as the guide pointed the house out, cameras started flashing like JT walked into the room. Hilarious.

There's a market on the other side, I think



Here comes the fuzz again...



I love this shot. That's a floating restaurant right there



Some building the guide pointed out.



More landmarks that the dude pointed out



Another floating restaurant. Would've been an awesome experience to dine in that ship

At the house we did a U-turn and then went back to the ramp we dove from. Couple of idiots were blocking the way so the driver switched over to the ship horn, y’know, the 1 that bellows out and probably made those idiots shat their pants till it dripped out the bottom. Got back in about 15 minutes and I went back to Panorama to chill a bit. Rushdi’s mum had prepared lunch and she had invited me over. I waited out until they were done with juma prayers and took a cab over to Kerama Hotel. Rushdi met me at Al-Falaq, we went for some chai and set off to his house. Lunch was a’ite, didn’t really burn a hole through my tongue but nevertheless spicy.

Next thing on the agenda was to go to this shop called Snow White in Qusais for Rushdi’s gear for the wedding. We hung around his place waiting for Raashid to come fetch us. Rushdi handed me this awesome RC car to play with. Weird thing it can’t turn left and right but the front 2 wheels can spin in 360 so it look like a breakdancer with skates. I kinda spent a good hour freaking his cats out with the car.

Eventually Raashid came by and me, Rushdi, Yasmin, his mum, nice lady and Raashid went over to Qusais. Snow White… is a men’s clothing store. Just sells regular clothes. No funky t-shirts, no gangsta shit just the type of gear you see on White and Nerdy. Eventually he settled on a blue shirt. What kind of shade exactly, I can’t say.

Raashid then dropped me off at Panorama to get ready and went back to Kerama so Rushdi can get a haircut and get ready as well. Watched some TV, lazed around and eventually picked myself up off the couch to go take a shower.

Yeah boi~

Everyone swung by once more to Panorama and we left in search of Al Murooj Rotana, which was supposedly near the Dubai Mall. So we left without knowing where exactly the venue was. Luckily enough Dubai had better road signs than Malaysia so finding our way was easy. We got dropped off straight at the entrance of the Yasat Grand Ballroom. Oh, by the way, here’s how the invitation was like. It was kind of dumb to mail us the invitation and shit ‘cause we were just friends so Suheil just transferred over MSN to us.

Your standard invitation sans my name

We thought we were late but it seems that the Suheil had decided to adopt Malaysian timing for his wedding. Sure, the papers were signed this morning so they ARE officially married but the formalities must be dealt with too. After waiting say…. an HOUR the dude finally came in. They put a Moroccan cap on him and a garland of flowers on him and ushered him onto a couch with a nice golden cloth laid on it in the hall. I have pictures of all this but since Suheil kind of asked me not to post certain pictures I supposed he meant this. If any of you can get any confirmation from him regarding the pics, I’ll be grateful.

People were mobbing the poor lad left, right, centre and upside down as he waltzed in. He sat on the couch with his brother and there was a Sith Lord looking dude sitting adjacent to him. He was old, huge and was draped head to toe in white.

“Something something something darkside… Something something something complete~”

A religious speaker started talking about how this union is a symbol of hope of intertwining two cultures together in this time of blablablablabla… Yeah, he’s a religious speaker. Respect there but he’s talking balls. Total unnecessary balls. From the look on Suheil’s face, he’d probably agree with me. After he finished, everyone went into the dining halls to chow down. Yeah, halls. Chicks on the left. Men on the right. Segregated affair. I know. Huge bummer. It’s official… Chinks party harder and better at their weddings.

Rushdi and Shakir



Me and Rushdi



The lads from Sunway



Today's the day man!



Usual selection of a centrepiece



Shakir taking shots around too



Altogether now for the Sri Lanka men!

Total sausage fest but I couldn’t care less ‘cause the food was good and the company was nice. The only people that made it from Sunway were me (biggest effort by ,far too!), Rushdi, Shakir, Suheil (duh) and Azhan (who’s next in line to join the family). I think they were playing Nasyid’s stuff in the background but eventually it was all drowned out by my insane laughter and the clanking of cutlery, digging into the awesome Arabic food.

Briyani~!!! CHOOIIYYY~~~



Chicken, beef and mutton - skewered, delicious, heavenly



Bleargh. Some half assed fruit cake. Spat that shit out in 2 seconds

Awesome chow right there man ('cept the fruitcake). Only can be topped with a nice satisfied look…

Aaaaaaah... *belch*

We went out for a bit, looked around Rotana. Pretty swank place, small lobby surprisingly but not short on the bling bling. After some snooping and looking at the white folks jostling in and out for some night action, we went back to the dining hall. We were greeted with dessert…

It was some nice cake. Can't remember what was it exactly...

There was another chocolate mousse cake but it was terrorized by the kids on our table that a picture would’ve been completely inappropriate. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that our table was made into the kiddy table. God damn it. The age gap was roughly about 10-14 years! Jeez… But that did not stop me from laughing like a maniac, swearing my ass off and definitely did not stop the flow of dirty jokes.

Somehow we eventually yanked Suheil off the table from his in-laws that were trying their best to make him shit in his pants to get a group photo. Guess he was lucky to have us and his brothers there to keep him sane!

Sunway Boys



Our photographer of the night, Harun

We hung around for awhile. Azhan bailed first ‘cause his sister recently had a baby and he needed diaper changing lessons soon too. Me and Rushdi bailed next when Raashid came over with his mum and Yasmin. On my way out I almost bumped into this…

Classic! Just missing the cans



Riding out in style on the biggest day of his life

Choiy, that’s a sweet ride. Strange though… Suheil told us that he was staying over at Rotana when this shindig was done, so why’d he need this sweet ride? Maybe it’s just a good ending ceremony kind of thing. Later on, Rushdi was telling how the wedding went down and I started having a laugh-a-lympics challenge with his mum. Good times.

They dropped me off once again at Panorama and I stumbled upstairs to crash… but not before a nice shower. Suit was killing my shoulders. Stayed up for a bit more watching TV and then crashed nicely.

Well, that was quite a day. So, thanks to Shazia's family for the awesome shindig. Look into that fruitcake issue, they ripped you off there... and of course congrats to Suheil and Shazia for tying the knot! May you guys be blessed with enough children to start a soccer team and happiness 'til death do you part!

Alright, this has been a nice happy post and all that and I’d hate to end it on a sour note but I gotta get this off my chest. Israel. Gaza. Christ. Fucking idiots. I don’t know what sickens me more, the fact that innocents are dying or that the world powers are just filling up the papers with condemning and talks and “urges” to stop the war. Someone needs to get the Avengers Initiative up and running man.

Peace out y’all.